Five Languages of Love

Author: Gary Chapmen
Published: 2015

This is a slim book to read, less than 200 pages. I had heard about a few years ago and then a girlfriend mentioned it to me. I had wanted to read this book to find out what my language of connection is because I often feel lost, and sometimes punished, because of how I approach relationships. I’m talking about all relationships – friendships and intimate ones, but not business-related ones.

When I started reading this book, I sat down with my favourite go-to tea: Cinnamon Hearts Pur’eh. It’s relaxing and calming, without the bitter aftertaste of cinnamon, and neither is it overpowering. For a book that could illuminate, or destroy, my idea of what I need in my relationships, sipping a comforting tea is helpful to ease your way into the information. Chapman organizes the book so that each of the five languages has its own chapter, and you are not required to start at the beginning and read through to the end. If you honestly feel that your language of connection is quality time, then start with that chapter. Personally, I don’t resonate with the ‘love’ portion of the title. I prefer to think of it as connections instead because I approach friendships and relationships with the same intensity. Which could be why I have felt punished over the years when lovers who have become friends say they need space because they think that my need for quality time together is crossing the boundary back into the intimate realm. When you take the time to read this book and really focus on the questionnaire at the end of the book to determine your main language, it’s worthwhile spending some time in quiet reflection to see how that language connection has helped, or hindered, the relationships you’ve had in the past. It also helps to sit down with a comforting cup of your favourite tea – or get your hands on some Cinnamon Pur’eh by Steeped Tea.

I also tried out a new flavour called Anise in Wonderland by Novel Tea Tins. It has a warming pleasant feeling to the tongue, and nothing astringent or spicy to it. The loose leaf tea is very pungent fresh out of the tin, but loses its smell once its been steeped. There is a subtle vanilla scent to the tea, which also helps with the calming aspect. It’s a perfect tea when taking the love language questionnaire. It doesn’t compete for your attention, but in fact lays a warm hand on your shoulder to reassure you that everything is going to be ok.

Issues with book: in one part of the book he says not to use sex as a tool to get physical touch, and then in another tells a woman it’s her job to initiate sex to better communicate with her husband and that she needs to start ASAP. Chapman also comes at the research from Christian-focused mind-set, but it doesn’t totally detract from the information presented. You don’t need to be religious to identify with the research.

My language of love, or connection as I prefer, is meaningful quality time. This means that when I find you enjoyable, engaging, and pleasant to be around, I want our conversations to be the main focus of our interaction. I don’t want to go to movies, or parties, or dinner dates, though I recognize that spending time with friend(s) means that quality time together can occur at events and places like that. I would even go so far as to extend meaningful quality time to inanimate objects such as the books I read. When I come across a book that captivates my whole attention, I spend all of my free time reading often times at the expense of chores and sometimes hanging out with friends. The way that I treat my reading habits, is also the way that I treat my connections. I want it all, and I want it right now! I’m stubborn and impatient, and for those that ask for space and distance, I rebel and push even harder to be part of their circle.

Teas to drink while reading this book:

  • Cinnamon Hearts Pur’eh – Steeped Tea, Pur’eh
  • Anise in Wonderland – Novel Tea Tins, unknown